What is Anosmia? How do I live with it?

So I bet you're wondering what Anosmia is? Is it real? Is she lying?

The Merriam-Webster definition:

anosmia

noun

an·​os·​mia a-ˈnäz-mē-ə 

: loss or impairment of the sense of smell

I think the definition alone will tell you that, yes it is a real thing. No, I am not lying. I have gotten that question and the speculation that I'm lying often. As I say to everyone nowadays: "Who are you for me to lie to you, and who am I to lie to you?"

Before COVID-19, most people didn't think it was possible for people lose their sense of smell, to be born without their sense of smell, or to have it only partially. I honestly didn't know what was wrong with me for years until around 19 years old (I'm 28 now) when I started doing a whole lot of Google searching and going through Reddit posts. I came across a Reddit thread that gave the definition of Anosmia, and then I went down the rabbit hole.

I was shocked to know there was a name for what I was experiencing and that there were people out there just like me! Growing up in a black household (if you know, you know), certain things are dismissed with "Oh it's just (insert what it isn't here) or "We can pray it away". Which is nice in theory, but how can we pray for something that's being dismissed? Now, I get it before the internet and all these threads and forums, expecting my parents or anyone to really know about anosmia was a big request. Back then, it was easier to just say it's something that it wasn't and continue moving on.

But it wasn't easy for me. I couldn't smell much. And then at one point nothing at all. Which means I wasn't smelling the good things or the bad things. Whether that be people, places, things, hell, even myself! Now I know I said earlier, why would I lie? But, that's 28-year-old me talking. But little me, she lied about being able to smell. I would lie about being able to smell things, because I didn't know how to explain that I couldn't. Sometimes I could smell things and then sometimes I couldn't; most times it was that I couldn't.

So, as a little girl, I would test to see if I could smell my mom's perfume collection. I would spray what felt like 50 million perfumes to me, and still nothing. I thought the perfumes were broken. I didn't understand as a kid why people loved fragrances, candles, and all other scented things so much when to me "they didn't do anything." And now I understand perfumes do so much. They don't just allow you to smell good, but they create memories, connections, and attraction to bloom.

One night my elementary school held a movie night for the movie Rugrats Go Wild, and if you're a Rugrats or Wild Thornberry's lover, you know that the movie came with a scratch and sniff card. Well.....it was my time to shine on this lie that I could smell. Whenever the scratch and sniff prompt came up on the screen I would scratch and just try my hardest to sniff. Man, when I tell you, NOTHING was in my nose. NOTHING!! The kids and parents around would start reacting to their cards, and I would just copy their reactions. 🤣

As I got older, I started to become more vocal about the fact that I couldn't smell. And that's when my mom became my DN (Designated Nose). 'Designated Nose' is a term anosmics use to describe someone who uses their nose to help them smell. It could be one person or multiple. Honestly, the more the better for us. I learned this term from GirlWhoCantSmell on Instagram. So my mom would tell me about what was going on in the air, with myself, with the laundry, how rooms smell, etc. It made my life easier. But then, I lost my mom in 2019.

Once I lost my mom, I realized that yes, life was going to be different because she's not here, but it was going to be extra different because I don't have a nose anymore. So, you're now wondering: how did life go? Well, paranoia set in. I think if you look into most anosmic communities, we all have a high level of paranoia about smells. It just comes with anosmia. So I would rewash clothes, overspray, and just hope for the best. It was all I knew and could do.

Around 23-24 I went to an ENT (ears, nose, and throat) doctor to see what was going on inside my nose. They did a CT scan, they shoved a light up my nose, all the good stuff. Only to find that they don't know why I can't smell. No polyps were blocking my nose. They did give me a pamphlet to go to a place in Philly to run some tests, but that would cost hundreds of dollars. And spending hundreds of dollars on a chance of finding out why is crazy! So I figured I've gone this long without knowing, I can continue with not knowing. And so I did.

Still around the age of 23-24, I started smoking weed more (I started smoking at like 21 or something, idk I don't remember (the irony)). One day I decided to inhale and exhale through my nose just for funsies. And funsies turned into all the time. Every time I did it, my nose would feel funny, like yes obviously smoke is going in my nose so it's gonna tingle, but like it was a different kind of funny feeling. So the more I did it, the more I noticed I could smell things better. But it wasn't long-lasting, the smells. It would be quick seconds and then it would pass. Now this did happen on occasion during my teenage years but it was rare. This time at 23-24 it wasn't as rare. It would happen more and more. And if you're an anosmic reading this, you know that moment of being able to smell is a type of euphoria that is hard to describe. During this moment, most anosmics, think this is IT, this is the moment I'll be able to smell forever. So we go around trying to smell anything in sight, only for the ability to be gone by the time we get to the second thing to smell.

At 25, I started my journey of "Chapter Twenty-Fine" and I figured it was time to incorporate fragrances into being fine. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I knew I was going to do it. I was able to meet someone passionate about fragrances who helped me while my nose was developing, and I guess "healing." Arielle, who is known for her fragrance reviews on TikTok became a guide for me when it came to this new era of my life.

She put me on to Kayali's Invite Only and Zara's Ebony Wood. I realized two notes my nose could instantly pick up on, which were the amber and woody notes. And honestly they're my favorite notes in any perfume. I could only smell the amber and woody notes, though; any other notes in those two perfumes were nonexistent to me. I still can't really smell many notes in fragrances, unless another fragrance enhances them. That is why I use my sticky notes! My nose just functions in fractions! 🤣

I started buying fragrances with amber and woody notes, but then I learned that Invite Only and Zara's Ebony Wood don't go with every outfit. See, I'm a firm believer that your perfume should match your outfit. Not just the occasion, but your entire outfit, including your hair. So then, Arielle introduced me to Ariana Grande's perfume line and that's when I got stuck on Sweet Like Candy. Ms. Ponytail did her big one with Sweet Like Candy (I love me some Ari so don't come for me, I just like calling her Ms. Ponytail).

It was weird, though, I could never smell Sweet Like Candy back when I first bought it. I just wore it because ... well... I noticed a certain person in my life liked it when I wore it, so I wore it for them. The more I wore it, the more I could smell it. And the more I wore fragrances and perfumes, tried smelling perfumes, and inhaling and exhaling the good green through my nose, the more I could smell other things.

My journey with perfume (and weed) has really opened up my nose and life to so much more. There's still a lot I can't smell. There are still times when I smell nothing or what I think I'm smelling, others can't or don't smell it at all. And that's called Phantosmia, and it doesn't help the paranoia. My nose and sense of smell are enigmatic. For now, I say I have 45% of my smell because I can smell parts of my own perfume combinations for hours, I can briefly smell other people's perfumes & colognes, and I can briefly smell things in the air or on clothes as well. It's not the full blast of smell that someone who has a properly working nose would get, but it's something. And something is better than nothing, because I used to have nothing.

When I can smell something, whether for a long period of time or a short period of time, images pop in my head as I'm "smelling". So even though I can't get a full idea of a fragrance note or a specific smell, my mind and seeing eye kind of makes up for it. I'll say to someone, "I don't know what this smells like exactly, but I picture (insert whatever image popped in my head) when I do 'smell it'" and they'll either say yes or kind of. It's like the scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Violet chews the piece of gum and describes the meals she tastes. In my case instead of chewing gum and tasting something, it's me "smelling" and picturing something to correspond to what's going through my nose.

And if you read my first blog post, then you'll know exactly what I mean when I say I picture smells. Now, some of y'all will know the exact word to what I'm describing when it comes to using my seeing eye to smell fragrances, for others, one day you'll tap in and know 😏😉. I may not know what musk or patchouli truly smells like, but I'll get an image of what my mind is trying to relate it to.

For now, without the help of my seeing eye or relating something to the taste of a specific food item, what I can smell on my own are the following: vanilla, pickles, something sweet, a candy-like smell, alcohol (like rubbing alcohol), smoke, and a little bit of weed.

As for the bad smells and smell sensations when they come up, my nose will just burn. It's an annoying burning pain, but it'll burn to the point I scrunch up my nose. And that's how I know I don't like something, like Floral Perfumes.... immediate nose and face scrunch. However, layering florals doesn't seem to bother me. Standalone...yeah get that away from me 🤣

So that's a small glimpse into my world of being anosmic. The more posts I share, the more you'll learn how I function in the world with this disability.

Thank you all so much for reading. I will see you in my next blog post.

Signed,

The Anosmic Alchemist.